The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Aging Parents While Supporting Your Kids (Estate Planning Issues and Elder Law)

If you feel like you’re being pushed in both directions, you’re not alone. The “sandwich generation” refers to adults who are simultaneously caring for aging parents while still supporting their children. Many people in the sandwich generation we’ve seen are juggling jobs, households, medical appointments, school schedules, and growing financial pressure, all at the same time. It’s a lot, and we get it.

One parent needs help with medications. A child needs tuition support. Suddenly, your time, money, and energy are being stretched thinner than ever. Here’s how you can keep everything organized while keeping everyone safe:

What Grandparents Should Have in Place

For aging parents, it’s important to ensure they have an estate plan and have established it properly. If they don't, it’ll come back to slap you in the face. We recommend:

Durable financial powers of attorney and advance healthcare directives. These documents allow trusted family members to help with finances and medical decisions if their health declines. Without them, even adult children who are already closely involved with their care may be blocked by banks, doctors, or insurance providers. With one, you can smoothly ensure their safety.

A clear estate plan is also essential. This includes an updated will or trust that reflects current assets, beneficiaries, and family dynamics. Outdated plans often create confusion or conflict, especially when siblings are involved. Trusts may be particularly helpful if grandparents want to ensure their family will avoid probate, maintain privacy, or ensure assets are managed properly if cognitive decline worsens.

Many grandparents also assume Medicare will cover nursing home or extended care costs, but that coverage is limited. Planning ahead for potential Medicaid eligibility, care preferences, and asset protection can prevent financial emergencies later and lower pressure on adult children.

Also, beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, life insurance, and bank accounts should be reviewed regularly. These designations often control where assets go, regardless of what a will says.

Beyond legal documents, practical coordination matters. Grandparents and caregivers should know where important records are stored, how medications are managed, and who to contact in an emergency. Community resources such as local Area Agencies on Aging, respite care programs, and caregiver support groups can provide loads of help, especially as care needs increase.

Another thing we’ve found to be helpful in families is shared family calendars for appointments, medication tracking apps, and secure digital document storage, which ensures everyone stays on the same page without constant phone calls.

How Your Children Should Be Protected

Kids are often overlooked in estate planning, even though their stability in life depends on it. 

Parents should always have a guardianship plan that clearly names who would care for their minor child if anything were to happen to them. Without this, the court would decide in place of the parent who would step in and care for them. The court could choose someone you wouldn’t have wanted, or even a stranger. 

Planning for children also includes thinking through practical realities. Who would handle daily care? School decisions? Medical needs? Would siblings stay together? Clear instructions within a guardianship lower uncertainty and help courts honor parents’ intentions.

Financial planning for children matters as well. Trusts can help ensure that assets intended for children are managed responsibly if they are still young when inherited. This avoids situations where large sums are handed over before a child is ready to manage them.

What the Sandwich-Generation Parent Should Have Prepared

Parents in the middle often carry the most responsibility—and the greatest risk if something goes wrong.

In addition to helping their parents plan, sandwich-generation adults should have their own powers of attorney and advance healthcare directives in case of an accident or sudden illness. If you’re the one coordinating care, finances, and family logistics, the impact of your sudden inability to speak for yourself would ripple quickly.

Your own estate plan should reflect your current reality. This includes updated beneficiary designations, guardianship choices for children, and clear instructions about how assets should be managed if you’re no longer able to do so.

Written caregiver agreements among siblings can clarify expectations around time, finances, and decision-making. Open communication (especially about difficult topics like driving, housing changes, or financial limits) lowers the chance of conflict before it escalates.

Digital estate planning should not be overlooked. Online banking, social media, subscription services, and even digital currencies now require clear instructions for access and management. Planning for digital assets across all three generations prevents accounts from being locked or lost.

Finally, planning should account for the possibility that caregiving responsibilities may increase over time. This may affect work, finances, and long-term goals. Preparing for those changes early makes them far more manageable later.

Planning That Supports Three Generations

Sandwich-generation stress often comes from uncertainty, not lack of effort. When legal authority is unclear, documents are outdated, or plans are missing, families are forced to react instead of prepare.

Elder law and estate planning create structure in an otherwise overwhelming season of life. They allow grandparents to age with dignity, children to remain protected, and parents in the middle to live stress-free instead of constant crisis management.

Planning doesn’t eliminate responsibility—but it ensures that when challenges arise, the right people can step in, and the right decisions can be made.